Kiddushin 9: How a Woman Can Avoid Betrothal; Rape and Status

If a woman asks a man for something and he says he will give it to her if they become betrothed, her answer is critical.  Saying “give it to me, give it to me” means that they are not betrothed.  It is as if she’s said, “Come on, just give me the water!”.   The rabbis discuss consent: how does the sale of a woman differ from the sale of a field?

A note here regarding valuation: we learn that it is difficult to appraise the value of a gem, but not so much the value of a ring.  Thus the ring presented for the purpose of kiddushin has no gem.  A good thing to remember in these times of "the size of the diamond is the measure of a man's love".

In amud (b) the rabbis note that when a woman becomes betrothed or leaves a marriage, her ownership is transferred.  In the case of betrothal she is transferred from one man, her father, to another, her husband.  In the case of divorce, her ownership is transferred from her husband to herself. 

Finally, I learn that the rabbis are concerned about betrothal through sexual intercourse alone.  What about the transfer of documentation or of money?  The rabbis discuss the intricacies of such a scenario.  If a man has intercourse with a woman who is betrothed, he is liable to be stoned (Deuteronomy 22:23-24).  But if he betroths her with money and not intercourse, is she fully betrothed?  What if he betroths her with money and then engages in anal intercourse with her?  Does anal intercourse affect her status as a virgin – and might it affect her status as betrothed? 

The Gemara discusses disturbing circumstances in great detail.  If a woman is anally raped ten times, are all of her rapists stoned?  Or is the first stoned and the subsequent rapists strangled, as they violated a betrothed woman while only the first rapist violated a virgin?  And what if a betrothed woman had been betrothed via a document before that “act of atypical intercourse”?  A document is solid, just like a get, and thus the woman was fully betrothed before she was raped.  Thus when she was anally raped she was both a virgin and a betrothed young woman.  But somehow this does not apply to maidservants.  We are taught that different halachot apply to maidservants and yevamot.

Finally the rabbis discuss whether a woman’s husband can render her a non-virgin through atypical or typical intercourse. 

We learn from the notes in Steinsaltz that there are four death penalty punishments: strangulation is the least harsh, where a scarf is wrapped around the neck and pulled on both sides.  Then is decapitation by sword, and then burning.  Finally there is stoning, where a person is dropped from a four metre height, a stone dropped upon him, followed by stoning by the community if he is still alive.